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Heineken Lager
5% ABV This beer doesn’t even merit being poured into a glass. It probably doesn’t even merit coming in a glass bottle. It should come in a cheap plastic one like they give you at Yankee Stadium so...
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Coors
5% ABV I’m not sure I’ve ever had this one. Seriously. Sure, I’ve had literally thousands upon thousands of Coors Lights in every sort of drinking vessel possible—from a bottle, fo’ty, can, keg,...
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Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy
4.2% ABV Some people push their bodies to the limit with extreme sports, climbing the highest mountains, swimming the longest bodies of water, running fucking marathons and competing in all sorts of...
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Michelob Bavarian Style Wheat
5.2% ABV from a bottle I’m the kind of sicko that upon visiting a friend’s house and being offered a beer, I don’t ask for a fresh bottle of some “normal” stuff just purchased the day before. I’m...
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Abita Andy Gator
11% ABV on draught, so say the waitress though no place confirms this number I lived high on the non-kosher hog this summer, abusing my mind and body on the weekends with villainous al-kee-hawl. I’m...
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Leinenkugel’s 1888 Bock
5.1% ABV bottled “Why don’t you just go drink some more of your…sugary poison!” She slung a throw pillow at my head, perhaps taking the name a little too literally, and stormed into her bedroom....
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